So I'm just going to explain my title right now...this morning I was talking about potentially chopping off all my hair and getting more of a bob(still considering it) and my companions told me YOLO and I responded no its YOMO-you're only a missionary once. I felt pretty proud to have thought of that all by myself...haha Besides it is really true! This week I get my travel plans and I am already more than a month into my mission. It is going my so fast and I am realizing that I really need to make the most of this time and not waste a second.
Anyways, this last week was my hardest week yet! I had two lessons at the beginning of this week with my investigator Daniel and they went so bad...it was super discouraging. I began to feel like there was this spiritual block. I felt like I couldn't feel the spirit and really had no idea what the Lord wanted me to do. It was a very scary place to be especially since I rely so much on the Lord!! Thankfully, I didn't have gym because my companion was not feeling well. So I took that time to really figure out how I could break down that wall. I prayed very humbly and asked to know what to do. I asked for forgiveness as well because I felt that I had kind of built that wall by relying too much on myself. The peace I received was amazing! Almost immediately I felt my spiritual block fall down. I felt the Lord guiding me again. I felt like I could go back to work with direction. I guess because I felt the wall come down, I thought my lessons the next day were going to go better. The next day was my hardest day at the MTC yet. I taught a lesson in the morning and it did not go well and I felt like I was fumbling through the whole thing...my poor investigator. I became really frustrated because I was trying so hard and nothing was working. Later that evening I did a role play with my teacher and I was trying to teach prayer/holy ghost. It was so bad and I was so frustrated that my teacher stopped me half way through. I was pretty demoralized by that point...it was as if I couldn't get anything right. Then we had class and Brother Mohrman was teaching us about revelation through church attendance. I have to say this first Brother Mohrman is super hard on the Elders and I. It is all for the best but sometimes it is a little much. That night it was too much for me to handle. At one point, I felt like he was questioning my testimony on church attendance. The combination of him being hard on us and being more than frustrated led to a break down. After he left I began to cry because I didn't know what the Lord was trying to teach me and I didn't know what to do. The Elders could tell I was frustrated and gave me a lot of really valuable advice and helped lift my spirits. Before we left for our residence they gave me a blessing that was much needed. After everything that day I realized some very important things. I realized that I had been relying so much on the Lord that I had forgotten that he had called me for a reason. He expects me to still do things to the best of my knowledge. He trusts me to plan the right lessons without Him necessarily telling me everything I need to do. I need to follow the spirit and rely on Him but I also need to remember myself. He called Allison before he called Sister Adams. I am still me and I need to teach with my own personality which I hadn't been doing. I was kind of teaching like a robot. The Lord called me because he needs me personally in the Netherlands. I needed to remember and learn that!! The next day I taught a decent lesson that I felt good about. I felt the spirit more and felt more confident. To those of you that read my blog or my emails, remember who you are. A title doesn't change who you are. It may change how you act in certain situations but you are still you!! Be confident in who you are and the gifts that the Lord has given you!! I also realized this week that I don't need to limit myself. I need to do all I can and not belittle myself. The Lord believes in me so I can do all that is asked of me!!!
I'm move off of the super serious side and tell you about the fun things that happened this week!! So I broke my permanent retainer again...skilled I know. Anyways, it meant that I had to go get it fixed. So I went on Thursday to the orthodontist to get it fixed...IT WAS SO WEIRD!! I went into the real world. We drove by BYU and all over Provo...it was so weird to be outside of the MTC. When we got the Ortho, the radio was playing. My companion and I had a serious struggle...we knew all the songs and of course they had to play all my favorites. It was a moral dilemma of if we should listen and how we should feel about listening to it. It was pretty funny...the Hygenists were laughing at us for freaking out. Oh and the Orthodontist gave us free
slushies at the end of the appointment...life doesn't get much better than free food!! I also taught a lesson on the Restoration and told the whole Joseph Smith story in Dutch!!! It was a big deal!! Plus I had no notes or vocabulary helps!!! Elder Parkinson left this week and I was sad to see him go because he is super funny and easy to be around. We got a new Elder. He's name is Elder Snider and he is going to Denmark. Oh big news that I almost forgot about, I got called as Sister Training Leader for these last two weeks at the MTC!!! It is kind of cool. I mean it isn't that big of a deal but I do get to welcome in the 6 newbies to the zone this week!! MY ZONE IS DOUBLING!!! I am kind of excited...if you can't tell. We are getting two new sisters and I can't wait to meet them! We are getting 3 Swedish Elders, 1 Norwegian Sister, 1 Norwegian Elder, and 1 Surinam Sister!! Can't wait to meet all of them and have more friends!!! So this week is going to be kind of crazy...Sister King and I are teaching together as companions and neither of us have had companions so that will be interesting. Then we have 5 investigators and we have 10 lessons to teach this week and then classes and normal stuff on top of that!! I am praying that I survive. I am grateful for the chance to speak Dutch a ton though. I really feel like I will be so much better at Dutch by the end of the week!! Pray for me...its going to be an adventure!
I love being a missionary!! I am learning so much and becoming a better person everyday!! I can't wait to get to the Netherlands and hit the ground running!! I can't wait to get my travel plans at the end of the week!! My time at the MTC is shortly coming to an end but I am going to make the most of every minute!! Have a great week!!!
Oh, and I just found out that a girl who was in my Y group and in my Psychology class from Summer semester is going to my mission and I am crazy excited!!!!
Ik hou van u!